Which Side Are You On? A History of Winners and Losers

Though Game Losers fully launched this past April, the site itself has existed for several years in various iterations. For those of you truly in the know, you might know that the domain name is sort of an homage to the video game site GameWinners, which has been dedicated to cheat codes and hints for video games since the late 1990s. The histories of both these sites are very intertwined and I’d like to illuminate them both in a very special feature this week. Continue reading Which Side Are You On? A History of Winners and Losers

Potential Mario Kart 8 DLC Characters

With Mario Golf; World Tour, Nintendo has taken the DLC approach to adding new characters. Three course packs come with three characters: Nabbit, Rosalina, and Toadette, with Gold Mario coming with the kit and caboodle should you buy them all at once.

What about if they did it for Mario Kart 8, which has a respectable roster of thirty characters (the largest for an MK game to date) but could always use more. Let’s say Nintendo released them in three packs of four characters each for, say, $4.99 with an option to buy them all at once for $12.99. I’d do it. Let’s take a look at what these packs might be.

Kong Pack

Characters: Diddy Kong, Funky Kong, Dixie Kong, Cranky Kong

Diddy Kong and Funky Kong make their return to the Mario Kart series. Diddy’s absence from MK8 is weird considering his presence in Mario Golf: World Tour and Funky should be in every Nintendo game at this point. Cranky Kong and Dixie Kong are newcomers, capitalizing on the success of Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze to make their debuts in MK8. DK doesn’t need to be the only Kong driving around; let’s invite his (very) extended family! And who knows, maybe we can get more of this:

Honorable mentions: Lanky Kong, Chunky Kong, Tiny Kong, Dark Kong

Baby Pack

Characters: Baby Wario, Baby Yoshi, Baby DK, Baby Waluigi

You might be surprised to hear this, but Baby Wario exists already. So does Baby DK (not to be confused with Baby Kong or Donkey Kong Jr.), who was already in Mario Super Sluggers. Basically, what I’m saying is we can never have enough babies. Baby Yoshi is, well…

Babygreenyoshi

Feeling it. Baby Waluigi makes his first-ever appearance. We don’t have any idea what he would look like, but a quick search of a certain website gives us a good idea.

Honorable mentions: Baby Bowser, Baby Koopalings, Baby Toad, Just Fucking Make Mario Kart Baby

Villain Pack

Characters: King Boo, Petey Piranha, Birdo, Bowser Jr.

Bowser Jr. was seen as one of the most startling omissions from the MK8 roster, especially considering all of the Koopalings were included. After having been absent since Mario Kart: Double Dash he makes his triumphant return, along with MKDD team Petey Piranha and King Boo. Birdo is also back in action for the first time since Mario Kart Wii, though…

*cough*
*cough*

Though we don’t need her Super Mario Strikers design.

Honorable mentions: Dry Bones, Dry Bowser, Wiggler, Dark Luigi

Revenge of the Clones: The State of the Sandbox Game

Let’s go ahead and get this out of the way: Watch Dogs blew it. It blew it so badly that I won’t even dignify its title with the underscore that’s supposed to be in there. Full disclosure: I haven’t played it but I know enough. Take your pick: the fact that it’s literally unfinished, the low level of optimization on non-Nvidia cards, or you can read this baffling Polygon review that calls out WD for its problematic handling of race, gender, and gender identity but still gives it an eight out of ten.

It’s time to take stock. Watch Dogs could have been great; the hacking mechanics are brilliant but badly implemented, and Ubisoft definitely mishandled the launch. Instead, we can shelve it in the category of “GTA Clones – Bad” right next to Grand Theft Auto V and Driv3r. It just goes to show you that—

What?

Yeah, GTAV wasn’t good. Continue reading Revenge of the Clones: The State of the Sandbox Game