All posts by Roger

Armaddengeddon Part III

Part I | Part II

The regular season is over. Some stats for you:

  • LaDainian Tomlinson rushed for 2,244 yards, breaking the record previously set by Houston Oilers running back Eric Dickerson in the 1984 season. Dickerson had 2,150. Jamal Lewis surpassed that mark as well, but just barely, rushing for 2,158 yards.
  • Ty Law finished with 18 interceptions, besting Night Train Lane’s mark by four. Samari Rolle (Titans) and Aeneas Williams broke it as well, finishing with 15. Andre Woolfolk ended up with 14, tying the mark.
  • Olindo Mare of the Dolphins made 46 field goals. Martin Gramatica made 45. Joe Nedney and Morten Anderson made 44. Billy Cundiff had 42 and Brett Conway had 41. All of these broke then then-record of 40. 1)The current record was set by David Akers in 2011 and is 44.
  • Our boy Jeff Smoker finished with four passing touchdowns, being the only player in the entire NFL to hit that mark. On the other hand, our other boy Ricky Ray finished with 61 interceptions, breaking Blanda’s mark by 19. Ten other QBs threw 42 or more picks, including Smoker.
  • Only five quarterbacks broke the 1,000-yard mark on the season. Kurt Warner led them all with 1,127 yards, which would have ranked 39th had it happened during the 2014-15 NFL season. The other four were Peyton Manning, Aaron Brooks, Smoker, and Tom Brady. Ricky Ray missed the cut with 935 yards.
  • The highest completion percentage was 31%, which belonged to several QBs. The lowest mark on ESPN’s scale for the 2014-15 season was 55%, which ranked 33rd out of 33 qualifying players.
  • On a team-wide scale, four teams (Broncos, Cardinals, Texans, Lions) finished with a points-per-game mark of less than 8.75, the record for fewest points scored per game in a 16-game season. 2)1992 Seahawks. The Broncos were worst of all with 8.1. Defensively, three teams finished with points-allowed-per-game totals of less than 10, which all break the current NFL record. The WPFT finished with 8.9, bested only by the Ravens with 8.4.

In all, the entire NFL threw 50 touchdowns to 1,568 interceptions. For a comparison, the 2014-15 NFL season had 807 passing touchdowns to 450 interceptions. Truly this is the Dark Era. But at least the Dark Era’s in the playoffs! Continue reading Armaddengeddon Part III

Notes   [ + ]

1. The current record was set by David Akers in 2011 and is 44.
2. 1992 Seahawks.

Armaddengeddon Part II

Part I

Week 1 results were consistent with that Colts/Pats game. Only one quarterback at all surpassed a hundred passing yards: A.J. Feeley. But his interception habit carried over from the preseason, too: he had the most with six. Two others (Chris Weinke for the Panthers, Craig Krenzel for the Bears) had five. Here’s the most worrying stat of all, though: only two quarterbacks threw a touchdown. One touchdown each for Jeff Smoker of the Rams and Joey Harrington of the Lions. That’s actually one touchdown more than Jeff Smoker threw for in his actual, real life career, so good for him! 1)He was a rookie at the time Madden 2005 came out. Smoker never saw any actual NFL action. It just goes to show you when there’s an equal(ly terrible) playing field, you never know what might happen.

The highest completion percentage anyone could muster came from then-rookie Matt Schaub of the Falcons, who went 10 for 25. 40%. Are the computer-controlled coaches and players of Madden NFL 2005 smart enough to bark up another tree when it turns out their QBs have turned to dust? Actually, kind of. There were actually a couple of high scores this week, owing to some teams with strong rushing attacks. We had an NFL record, actually. Jamal Lewis of the Ravens rushed 46 times for 204 yards, scoring 3 touchdowns and breaking the previous record of 45 rushing attempts. 2)Set in 1988 by Jamie Morris for the WPFT. Notably, it was an OT game.

As a whole, the entire NFL—all 32 teams—threw for two touchdowns and seventy-one interceptions. That’s bad. That’s horrendous. But it’s just one week. Surely things won’t stay this bad, right? Continue reading Armaddengeddon Part II

Notes   [ + ]

1. He was a rookie at the time Madden 2005 came out. Smoker never saw any actual NFL action.
2. Set in 1988 by Jamie Morris for the WPFT. Notably, it was an OT game.

Armaddengeddon Part I

Training camp.

The quarterback took the snap and dropped back to pass. Suddenly, something clicked—rather, unclicked—in his mind. He suddenly had no idea where he was, or what he was doing. The weird object he was holding seemed to him like an alien artifact. Before he realized what was happening it was out of his grasp, escaping from his hands like a bar of soap escaping a man taking a shower. It tumbled to the ground. Feeling some hint of a need to chase after it, the quarterback did so, though his movements were more laborious than he could ever remember them being. Rather than bending down to pick it up he managed to step on it and fall backwards, landing squarely on his rear.

This all unfolded in about five seconds. All the players and coaches had a good laugh. But the quarterback didn’t get up for a while. The laughter dissipated and eventually was replaced by a grim silence. The quarterback had fractured his tailbone after what looked like an innocuous fall any NFL player could get right back up from. It was the first hint of something far more sinister.

Continue reading Armaddengeddon Part I

The Galaxy Is At Peace: Checking in on Metroid

There are three video game series that are currently MIA. You probably know them. F-Zero hasn’t had a new installment since 2004. Star Fox hasn’t had a new installment since 2006. 1)A remake of Star Fox 64 was released for Nintendo 3DS in 2011 and a new title is currently in development for Wii U. And Metroid hasn’t has a new installment since 2010—2007 if we choose to discount Metroid: Other M. We’re here to talk about Metroid today.

Of those three series I mentioned, Metroid has the longest history, dating back to the original Metroid on the NES in 1986. If you’d like to keep track, the series will turn 30 on August 6, 2016. That game made some significant waves by revealing at the end that Samus Aran, the player character, is a woman. 2)The ending only revealed Samus’s identity if the game was completed quickly enough. It was one of the first games to feature a female protagonist and definitely one of the first where the female protagonist’s gender is irrelevant to the story.

Hold that thought for a bit. I’ll also say that the material I’m talking about here is limited to the games alone—there are comics that supposedly expand on Samus’s backstory, but do so while conflicting with some pretty important plot points in the actual games. Furthermore, I’m choosing to discount Other M for a pair of reasons: I haven’t played it, and, from what I’ve read, it seems like an anomaly in the grander scale of Metroid games.

The two games I’m focusing on are Super Metroid, released in 1994 for the Super NES, and Metroid Prime, developed by Retro Studios and released in 2002 for the GameCube. Though it’s a bit hard to believe now, there were precisely zero Metroid games released between those two games. 3)Metroid Fusion on the Game Boy Advance was released on the same day as Prime. Samus Aran made two appearances in Super Smash Bros. titles during that gap.

I recently finished a replay of Metroid Prime via the Prime Trilogy that was released as a downloadable title for Wii U, but for simplicity’s sake I’m working with the GCN edition. I’m currently in the middle of my first-ever playthrough of Super Metroid using the Wii U’s Virtual Console service. It’s fascinating how similar these two titles are, especially considering Prime was handled by a different developer entirely.

What both games absolutely nail is the balance between the feeling of isolation and an enjoyable gaming experience. The glut of zombie and/or post-apocalyptic games that have been flooding the market for years often go all-in on the former at the expense of the latter. In all honesty, it’s a pretty simple task to create a sense of isolation for the player. It’s a significant part of any survival horror game and even a few action games. You can go for hours without even seeing an NPC to talk to in games like Fallout 3, though you do have the option of recruiting a traveling companion.

That’s something a lot of those games do to, in a way, subvert the isolation. Two examples that come to mind are Resident Evil 4 (Ashley) and The Last of Us (Ellie). It’s executed pretty well in the latter title, as the banter between protagonist Joel and Ellie served to lighten the mood in times where riding solo would have been nervewracking. It made the game fun and easy to play for long periods. But trekking through the Bethesda Fallout titles can get real boring real fast with no one to talk to, even if they accurately portray that feeling of loneliness.

And then you have these two Metroid games, in which you are Samus and only Samus for the entire duration of both. Super Metroid has a bit of a monologue from Samus at the start of the game to set the scene, but Metroid Prime doesn’t contain a single word of dialogue at all. None! You’re the only human you ever see. The Space Pirates you encounter care too much about killing you to bother with stopping to talk. There’s never a Shakespearean moment where Samus feels the need to recap whatever may have just happened for the benefit of the player. There’s never a need to speak–so she doesn’t.

You are isolated. But the games themselves are still exciting, not only because of the ability to explore, but what you’re exploring. This is particularly true in Prime, where the environments squeeze every last bit of processing power and graphical prowess out of that tiny little Cube. 2002 wasn’t exactly a time where HD was the norm, but exploring the crumbling Chozo Ruins and the icy Phendrana Drifts sure made it feel like it.

Prime had a lot of small graphical touches that made it clear Retro Studios was handling the franchise with respect. Once you emerge from the water, the leftover droplets take a few seconds to roll off your visor. Walking through steamy areas fogs your vision. Energetic explosions offer you brief glimpses of Samus’s reflection in her own visor. You can even see Samus’s own bones whenever you peer through her X-Ray Visor.

That’s not to say Super Metroid wasn’t equally impressive for 1994. The X-Ray Visor obtainable in that game functions differently—it’s used to determine whether walls are breakable (by displaying the weapon icon that can be used to break them) or transparent. But there’s so much attention to detail in that game where running into a dead end is just an excuse to use the scanner so you can see that small hole the Morph Ball can fit into.

Elements like that give these two games the sense of exploration that makes them so enticing to come back to. I was barely able to put Metroid Prime down despite having played through it long ago and I’m feeling the same way about Super Metroid right now. People don’t often find criticisms with Metroid games, but a common one is a perceived overreliance on “backtracking.” What is backtracking?

I know what backtracking is; rather, I know what people see it as. Badly-designed games suffer from it in many ways. As a means of arbitrarily lengthening gameplay, sequences are inserted into the game where you have to return to a previously reached point in order to advance the story. A few of the later Zelda games are victims of this, but on a smaller scale since at least (in most cases) they’re still entertaining.

It never feels tedious in the world of Metroid. I’m always excited to keep exploring, because each time I get something new I want to try it out. The game rewards you for it, too. Shortcuts, upgrades, expansions, all of these are often only found upon very close examination with something you may not have had earlier in the game. Metroid Prime adds a further dimension to it with the scanning system, a mechanic not present in any of the prior Metroid games.

Available from the start of the game, you can enable Samus’s Scan Visor, which will highlight things you may scan in your immediate radius with an orange or red (signifying something important) icon. Orange icons often provide minor context, such as computer screens. The red icons can unlock doors and signify that something is a breakable material (like the X-Ray Visor in Super Metroid), but their main function is to fill out Samus’s Logbook.

The Logbook is split into five parts:

  • Many of the game mechanics fall into this category, such as the health/ammunition pickups Samus can collect as well as save stations, Samus’s gunship, and so on.
  • Every enemy you face falls into this category, including bosses.
  • Chozo Lore. Messages on the walls of the Chozo Ruins region fall into this category. The entires flesh out what happened on Tallon IV before Samus’s arrival and even contain a few prophetic references to her.
  • Pirate Data. Computer terminals across Tallon IV fill this category. They detail the circumstances of the Pirates’ arrival/research and, later, their consternation with Samus Aran, including one hilarious log where they try to duplicate Morph Ball tech.
  • The twelve Chozo Artifacts necessary to complete the game fall into this category–sort of. What actually fills the log are the hints for each one which can all be scanned at the same place.

The Logbook is, essentially, the source of the story for the game. With no dialogue, it’s up to the player to piece together the bits and parts in order to determine the whats, whens, and whys. Of course, it’s entirely optional. But it’s all there for the taking. You’re free to blaze through the game, shoot everything in sight, and not give one hoot about why you need to do it. You’re just as free to walk through the game, scan everything in sight, and figure out just what the hell happened to Tallon IV. Any option in between is just as possible—a level of freedom not achievable were you to just select Story On or Story Off at the start of the game.

Everything, really, is up to the player. That’s what keeps the isolation from being overwhelming. You are your own company, and you’re pretty good company. Exploring every nook and cranny, trying to see if there’s a new shortcut to hit, everything is your choice and your choice alone. Samus Aran is a capable bounty hunter with a wealth of tools at her disposal; it only makes sense that’s it’s fun as hell to play as her.

That brings me to that point I brought up at the very beginning about her gender being irrevelant. At no point in either Super Metroid or Metroid Prime is it ever capital-I Important that Samus Aran is a woman. The Space Pirates getting their asses unequivocally handed to them by Samus never once state in one of the Pirate Data entries how frustrating it is to get “beaten by a girl.” In fact, only one log at all refers to her gender explicitly, identifying her as a “female hominid […] heavily armed and extremely dangerous.”

It’s never unrealistic or surprising that Samus Aran is a woman. She is never obligated to prove herself to anyone. It’s the logical endgame of progressive video game writing, something I talked about in my review for Transistor. It’s not tokenism. It’s not exploitative. It’s just perfectly natural within the context of the game. Like I said, the Space Pirates don’t seethe about being beaten by a girl. They seethe about getting beaten, period. That’s realistic.

For nearly 30 years, Samus Aran has been the only female “mascot” for a flagship Nintendo series. 4)Though Zelda’s name is in the title of the games, it’s undeniable that the most recognizable character is always Link, to the point where many mistakenly refer to him as Zelda. For this reason, it’s particularly disappointing that there hasn’t been a new entry in her series since Other M. But as stated earlier, the wait between Super Metroid and Metroid Prime was eight years. So waiting can often be worth it.

The question is, though: who’s going to make the next Metroid? Retro Studios handled the Prime trilogy, moving to work on the Donkey Kong Country Returns franchise once their work with Prime wrapped up. Team Ninja (of, ahem, the Dead or Alive games) worked on Other M. It’s arguable that Retro is batting 1.000 with the critical and commercial successes of both the Prime trilogy as well as the Donkey Kong Country Returns games. As of now, they’re currently working on an undisclosed Wii U title which will likely be revealed in a month at E3. Here’s hoping we get to see the return of Samus Aran—it’s been too long already.

Notes   [ + ]

1. A remake of Star Fox 64 was released for Nintendo 3DS in 2011 and a new title is currently in development for Wii U.
2. The ending only revealed Samus’s identity if the game was completed quickly enough.
3. Metroid Fusion on the Game Boy Advance was released on the same day as Prime.
4. Though Zelda’s name is in the title of the games, it’s undeniable that the most recognizable character is always Link, to the point where many mistakenly refer to him as Zelda.

Together, We Ride: How Fire Emblem Went From Death’s Door to Cornerstone Franchise

Super Mario. The Legend of Zelda. Pokémon. Fire Emblem.

Wait, Fire Emblem? Yeah. It’s true. In the past several years, Fire Emblem has gone from being on the verge of an orphaned series to one of Nintendo’s flagship titles. It didn’t happen overnight, and it can’t be traced to any one thing. Rather, it gradually happened over time as both old and new FE fans came together to support one of Nintendo’s longest-running franchises. 1)It began way back in 1990. How did it happen? And just how close was Fire Emblem to ending for good? Most importantly, what does this mean for both the series and Nintendo moving forward? Well, you’ve come to the right place. Welcome back to Game Losers. Continue reading Together, We Ride: How Fire Emblem Went From Death’s Door to Cornerstone Franchise

Notes   [ + ]

1. It began way back in 1990.

Super Bowl XLIX: Madden NFL 2003 Edition

So, maybe the Official Game Losers 2014-15 NFL Playoffs Madden NFL 2001 Simulation didn’t exactly pan out. For one, the Super Bowl (one week from this Sunday) will be a contest between the Seattle Seahawks and the New England Patriots. Both were #1 seeds in this year’s playoffs—in other words, this was easily the most predictable outcome ever. Both were also left out of the 2014-15 playoffs in the Simulation. In fact, it would have been completely impossible for the Simulation to have predicted this outcome. If you’ll remember correctly, before the divisional realignment in 2002 the Seattle Seahawks were still in the AFC. In other words, one million Simulations could have been ran using the outdated Madden NFL 2001 and not a single one of them could possibly have had the AFC representative Patriots meeting the now-NFC representative Seahawks. Oops.

For what it’s worth (nothing), the Simulation did manage to hit a couple of things correctly. The Ravens went on the road and beat the Steelers both in the Simulation and in real life. The Colts made it to the AFC Championship both in the Simulation and in real life. 1)However, they hosted it in the Simulation and won. Otherwise, it was pretty much a wash. A simulation where the home team won every game would have been far more accurate and would have nailed the Super Bowl. This surprises no one but me. I would have thought the cosmic radiation of a plan so asinine would have come full circle, but nope. Turns out it’s a bad idea to try to use a video game that’s fifteen years old to predict today’s events.

Anyway, there’s still one game to be played this NFL season. 2)I do not count the Pro Bowl. Will the Seattle Seahawks ride the incredible momentum from their incredible comeback to incredibly win a second consecutive Super Bowl? Or will the New England Patriots deflate the egos of so many Seahawks fans? 3)I had to fit at least one reference in here. Personally, anything I predict myself will likely blow up in my face. So, instead, like the first Simulation, I will simply moderate a method taken completely out of my hands. What method will this be? Continue reading Super Bowl XLIX: Madden NFL 2003 Edition

Notes   [ + ]

1. However, they hosted it in the Simulation and won.
2. I do not count the Pro Bowl.
3. I had to fit at least one reference in here.

The Playoffs According to Madden NFL 2001

EA Sports traditionally simulates the Super Bowl using the latest Madden game. They’ve done it the past 11 years and will do it again this year. Madden has a pretty good record: 8 correct predictions and 3 incorrect ones. 1)Madden failed to predict the Giants upsetting the Patriots in 2008, the Packers beating the Steelers in 2011, and last year’s Seahawks beating the Broncos. That’s pretty good. Gives me an idea. Why not use an older Madden game and simulate up until the present time, including the entire playoffs? Surely that will be most accurate of all! Continue reading The Playoffs According to Madden NFL 2001

Notes   [ + ]

1. Madden failed to predict the Giants upsetting the Patriots in 2008, the Packers beating the Steelers in 2011, and last year’s Seahawks beating the Broncos.

Skyward Sword, Downward Spiral

WARNING: This article contains unmarked spoilers for The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword.

Let me preface this half-review/half-some other thing with the qualification that I cannot and will not call The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword a “bad game.” Too much work and effort was put in by too many people for me to feel at all comfortable with dismissing it like that. I made a similar qualification before when discussing Grand Theft Auto V; some consideration has to be made for effort and personal taste when reviewing a game.

All that said, Skyward Sword deeply disappointed me to the point where I had to stop and think super hard about whether my problems were with SS in specific or with modern 3D Zelda games as a whole. Continue reading Skyward Sword, Downward Spiral

Ace Attorney: How To Wright A Story

Here is an excerpt from the February 2004 issue of Electronic Gaming Monthly:

“In real life, Japanese courts are so slow that it can take several years to complete a typical lawsuit. In the world of Gyakuten Saiban (available now in Japan for GBA), which translates to ‘Courtroom Reversal,’ it’s a different story—there’s no jury, no insanity pleas, and only three days to convince the judge that your client’s innocent. How do you, defense attorney Ryuichi Naruhodo, manage this? Simple: Visit the crime scene, gather evidence, and use it to rip the prosecutor’s case to shreds during cross-examination. It sounds boring, but the high-energy anime sequences and nutty characters have made Gyakuten Saiban one of Japan’s most popular adventure series—this third installment is coming to Japan in January 2004.”

Haha! What a weird game that has no chance of ever making it to America, right? Continue reading Ace Attorney: How To Wright A Story

Race in the Wide Worlds of Fire Emblem

-Notice: This article contains unmarked spoilers for Fire Emblem on the Game Boy Advance and Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance for the Nintendo GameCube.-

“Sub-human? Ha! What arrogance it takes to coin such a name! You think yourselves the only ones worthy of the name ‘human,’ and so we laguz must be beneath you? And thus you call us ‘sub-human.’ We are less than human to you, is that it?”

“I’m sorry…I don’t know any other name for you. If I have offended you, I apologize. What should I call you? Laguz? Would that be more appropriate?”

“Huh? You show manners? How odd. I like that. Now, you are…Who, exactly?”

“My name is Ike. Ike of the Greil Mercenaries.”

I recently finished a playthrough of Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance, my first time going through it in at least seven years. Though I knew it was a game that wasn’t afraid of tackling delicate issues, they hit a lot harder when I was old enough to really realize what they were talking about. Fire Emblem games have a reputation for depicting how fucked up royal families are—in one, a prince clandestinely murders his father so that he can become king and in another a king arranges to have his prepubescent son assassinated.

But that’s all par for the course and royal family fuckups aren’t necessarily things we deal with on a daily basis. What about race, though? Continue reading Race in the Wide Worlds of Fire Emblem